Great Expectations

I'm pretty sure I've made it clear that my husband is pretty great. I feel like I'm always bragging on him.

But, if I'm honest, sometimes he lets me down. And, despite being right 99.98% of the time (in my own mind at least), I let him down a fair amount too.

I met Miles a little over a year and a half ago. During that season of getting butterflies in my stomach at the mere thought of him, I vividly remember talking to my godmother and telling her about how wonderful Miles was. After going on and on about Miles, my godmother was so excited for me. She thought he was wonderful too! Then she said something, almost as an afterthought, along the lines of, "Even if he is wonderful, he will let you down. Jesus is the only person who never will."

A bit cliche? Yes. But its true. It really is.

And why does Miles let me down? (Slasshhh why do I let him down?) This diagnosis, I believe, is two-fold: one part sinner + one part a case of great expectations.

The first part's preeeety obvious. Miles is a sinner. I am a sinner. As sinners, we don't always love each other well. Our selfishness and own desires usually get in the way of that.

But the second part is more complex. And a lot of times its more difficult to recognize.

Right after the no-coffee-before-we-go-down-for-breakfast incident

Let's take an example from the morning after our wedding. We stayed at a nice hotel and had to wake up pretty early to get ready and packed to leave for our honeymoon. Naturally, I started getting ready first because I take longer than Miles (aka I don't have a buzz cut & require makeup not to scare the natural world). He was just sitting around, packed and ready, waiting on me. So obviously I asked if he was going to go downstairs to the lobby, fix me coffee, and bring it back while I was finishing up my beautification routine. His response: "What? We're going downstairs as soon as you're ready. Why do you need coffee now?"

[Enter a slight medium sized twinge of disappointment] Why did I want him to go fetch us some coffee in cute little to-go cups? Well that's what my dad always did any time we were traveling. *A-hah moment* I expected Miles to do that; I thought all husbands did that!

Expectations can creep in through how your family did things/the culture you grew up in, your friends' opinions, or even what the media says is good. And don't be fooled into thinking you only have expectations for romantic relationships. Even though you may not realize it, you probably have expectations for all your relationships.

Now, don't get me wrong, expectations aren't always bad. But when you're angry at your spouse/significant other/friend and can't figure out why (or you're mad that they can't read your mind), it probably goes back to the fact that they weren't fulfilling a preconceived expectation you had. And in that moment, you're seeking satisfaction from a secondary relationship - satisfaction and fulfillment that can only be gained through a relationship with God.

Now, let's be honest, I'm preaching to myself here. I find out expectations I have that I didn't even know I had all the time. And its usually after some not-so-pretty introspection. My goal next time I realize this lovely discovery about myself: (1) pray, (2) pray some more that God will help me serve [insert whoever I'm holding expectations against], (3) pray even more that I'll seek fulfillment in God, and (4) reflect on whether or not that expectation is legitimate. So basically: pray. Then pray. And after that I should probably pray. I know, my words are revolutionary. You can try it out for yourself, no payment necessary.